He also cited the ḥadith of Fāṭimah bint Qays on seeking counsel: she came to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and told him that three men had proposed to her—Muʿāwiyah ibn Abī Sufyān, Abū al-Jahm, and Usāmah ibn Zayd. The Prophet ﷺ said: “As for Muʿāwiyah, he is a pauper with no wealth.” (He later lived on until he became caliph of the Muslims, but at that moment he was poor.) He then said, “As for Muʿāwiyah, he is a pauper with no means, and as for Abū al-Jahm, he is a man who beats women.”
In another wording: “He never lays the stick down from his shoulder.” Both expressions carry the same sense: he treats women badly and strikes them. A woman may only be struck for a reason that Allah has specified: “As for those from whom you fear rebellion, admonish them, forsake them in their beds, and strike them” (Q 4:34).
To beat one’s wife whenever she commits any infraction is wrong and impermissible, for Allah also says: “Live with them in kindness” (Q 4:19). If you fear her defiance, her arrogance toward you, and her neglect of your rightful claims, then apply the following stages:
- First, admonish her—remind her to fear Allah and explain that the husband’s right must not be neglected. If she rectifies herself, that is the aim.
- If not, the second stage is to abandon her bed: do not sleep with her. Do not, however, cut off speech with her, though you are allowed to refrain from conversation for up to three days, because it is unlawful for a Muslim to shun his brother for more than three days; they meet, each turning away, and the best of the two is the one who starts with the greeting of peace.
- The third stage, if the previous measure has no effect, is: “strike them,” but with a blow that is not severe, meaning—