make you angry with me. Yet if I speak the plain truth, you will be displeased with me now, but I hope that Allah will grant me a good outcome for it. By Allah, I have no excuse whatsoever; and by Allah, I was never stronger nor better provided for than on the day I stayed behind from you.’
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, ‘As for this man, he has spoken the truth. Rise and wait until Allah judges concerning you.’
Some men of Banū Salamah followed me and said, ‘By Allah, we have never known you to commit a sin before this. You failed only in not having presented an excuse to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) like the others who stayed behind; his seeking forgiveness for you would have been enough to wipe away your fault.’
I began to reproach myself and asked them, ‘Did anyone else face what I have faced?’ They replied, ‘Yes. Two other men said exactly what you have said, and they were told what you were told.’ I asked, ‘Who are they?’ They answered, ‘Murārah ibn al-Rabīʿ al-ʿAmrī and Hilāl ibn Umayyah al-Wāqifī.’ They mentioned to me two men who had fought at Badr, and in them I found a model.
When they told me about them, and after the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace) forbade anyone to speak to those three of us among all who had stayed behind, the people shunned us—or, he said, their attitude toward us changed—until the earth itself seemed strange to me; it was no longer the land I knew. We remained in that state for fifty nights.
My two companions became so broken-hearted that they stayed in their houses, weeping, whereas I was the youngest and strongest of the three. I would go out, attend the prayers with the Muslims, and wander through the markets, yet no one would speak to me. I would come to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and grant him peace), offer him the salām while he was sitting with the people after the prayer, and wonder within myself whether he had moved his lips to return my greeting or not. Then I would pray close to him, stealing glances at him: when I faced my prayer he looked at me, and whenever I turned toward him