permissible for me to slaughter the calf and give part of it in charity to the poor, or must all of it go to my female colleagues as I mentioned when I made the vow? And may my family and I eat from it or not?
Answer:
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If you made the vow to slaughter the calf and distribute its meat to your colleagues because they are poor, then this is a vow of obedience that must be fulfilled. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Whoever vows to obey Allah, let him obey Him.” Therefore you must slaughter the calf and give its meat to the poor.
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If, however, your statement was no more than the informal promises that pass between friends—“If such-and-such happens I will invite you and hold a feast”—then it falls under the category of what is merely permitted; one may do it or leave it, for it is only a promise.
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If, when pronouncing the vow, you said, “I vow to slaughter such-and-such if my colleagues…” and those colleagues are well-off and not in need, then you may choose between carrying out the vow and offering the expiation for an oath, because you vowed something that is merely permissible. When the intended recipients are affluent and the purpose is hospitality rather than charity—as friends customarily do, or simply to express happiness—this is classed as a permissible vow, and for a permissible vow one may either fulfil it or pay the expiation for an oath.
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But if you vowed it for poor women with the intention of charity, then it is a compulsory vow and you must carry it out.
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As for eating from the meat, that too depends on your intention. If you intended to eat from it together with your colleagues, then you may eat. If you did not intend that, it is not permissible for you to eat from it.