Striking One’s Wife

Question: I am a married man. On one occasion a misunderstanding arose between my wife and me, so I beat her severely. In her intense anger she tore the clothes she was wearing. I have heard that whoever tears his garment thereby leaves the religion and must go to a shaykh, who will recite verses from the Qur’an and prophetic ḥadiths while the person repeats after him, and that in this way the shaykh brings him back to Islam. Is this true? And am I sinful for having beaten her so harshly or not?

Answer: First, you were in the wrong for striking her, for a husband may not hit his wife except on the basis of a Shar‘i justification and within the limits set by the Law—such as when she becomes nāshiz (defiant toward him), refuses his rightful authority, and withholds herself from him in a manner contrary to the Sharīʿah. Allah, exalted be He, says: “Men are caretakers of women by reason of what Allah has given one over the other and of what they spend of their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard. But those from whom you fear defiance—admonish them, then leave them alone in their beds, and then strike them” (al-Nisāʼ 4:34). Striking is therefore the last resort, and it must be non-injurious, as the scholars have clarified.

Severe beating, or striking without valid cause, is impermissible; it is forbidden for a husband to treat his wife in that way.

As for her tearing her clothes, that was her mistake, for a Muslim is not allowed to rip his garments out of panic or distress. Such behavior belongs to the Jāhiliyyah (pre-Islamic days of ignorance). A Muslim is required to exercise patience, seek reward from Allah, and refrain from tearing his clothes when grieving or angry.