An Improper Course of Action

Question: I have a cousin who is of marriageable age. While I was abroad, a young man asked for her hand in marriage; her family agreed, and she herself consented. When I returned and learned of this, I asked my uncle to tell the young man to withdraw so that I might marry her, for I desire her as my wife. My uncle refused. It should be noted that the girl herself, when consulted, said she preferred me as her husband, and her mother also approved of annulling the engagement and marrying her to me. When that suitor heard of my efforts to dissolve his engagement to my cousin, he became angry and trouble almost broke out, even though I was prepared to reimburse everything he had given and spent on her. Later, after some people intervened to make peace and requested that he relinquish his engagement to my cousin, he did so—but not with full satisfaction, rather out of shyness and consideration, as people say, “to spare feelings.” Am I sinning by what I have done? And is it permissible for me to marry her after all this?

Answer: Your action was wrong. Once you learned that your Muslim brother had already preceded you in proposing to this woman, you should not have entered the matter; you should have sought another prospective wife instead. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) forbade a man to propose on top of his brother’s proposal. That earlier suitor had acquired a legitimate right, and it is impermissible for you to encroach upon it or to undermine his position. The rights and sanctity of one Muslim toward another are indeed great. You have erred in this, and it is obligatory for you to repent to Allah, never repeat such behavior, and seek your brother’s pardon for what you did to him, asking him to forgive you.