If the husband intends to pay it, although it is generally beyond his means, he has burdened himself, incurred a liability, and exposed himself to losing some of his good deeds and being held bound by his debt. The woman’s family have also harmed their son-in-law and caused him injury.

What is recommended regarding the “dower,” for someone who has the means and is well-off, is that its total, including both the upfront and deferred portions, should not exceed the dowers of the Prophet’s wives or daughters, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. These ranged from four hundred to five hundred dirhams of pure silver, approximately nineteen dinars. This is the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. Whoever does this has followed his Sunnah regarding the dower.

Abū Hurayra, may Allah be pleased with him, said:

“Our dowers when the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, was among us were ten ūqiyyas.” He brought his hands together. This amounts to four hundred dirhams.

Imām Ahmad narrated this in his Musnad; the wording given here is that of Abū Dāwūd in his Sunan.

Abū Salama said:

“I asked ‘Ā’isha, ‘How much was the dower given by the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace?’

“She replied, ‘The dower he gave his wives was twelve ūqiyyas and a nashsh.’ She asked, ‘Do you know what a nashsh is?’

“I replied, ‘No.’

“She said, ‘Half an ūqiyya. That makes five hundred dirhams.’”

Muslim narrated this in his Sahīh. It has already been related from ‘Umar that the dowers of the daughters of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, were approximately the same.

Anyone who feels inclined to set his daughter’s dower higher than those of the daughters of the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace—who are the best of Allah’s creation in every virtue and the finest women in the world in every quality—is an ignorant fool. The same applies to the dowers of the Mothers of the Believers.

This is for someone who has the means and is well-off. As for a poor man or someone in similar circumstances, he should pledge no more as a woman’s dower than he can pay without hardship.