- “If a woman fears ill treatment or aversion from her husband, there is no blame upon them if they reach an amicable settlement between themselves, for reconciliation is best. Human souls are ever prone to selfishness. But if you do good and remain mindful of Allah, then Allah is fully aware of all that you do.”
That is, if a woman fears her husband’s aloofness toward her—his lack of desire for her and his turning away from her—the best course in such a case is for them to reach an amicable settlement whereby she waives some of the rights owed to her by her husband so that she may remain with him. She may agree to less than what she is entitled to in maintenance, clothing, or accommodation; or she may waive her right to an allotted turn, giving her day and night to her husband or her co-wife.
If they agree to such an arrangement, neither of them—the wife or the husband—incurs any blame or sin. The husband may then remain married to her under these terms, which is better than separation. Hence He said, “For reconciliation is best.” ⦗207⦘
The general wording and meaning of this statement indicate that reconciliation between any two people who have mutual rights or are involved in a dispute, in any matter whatsoever, is better than each party insisting upon receiving every one of their rights in full. This is because reconciliation sets matters right, preserves affection, and embodies graciousness.
It is permissible in all matters unless it makes lawful what is unlawful or makes unlawful what is lawful; in that case, it is not reconciliation but injustice.
Know that no ruling can be fully and properly realized unless the factor calling for it is present and its impediments are absent. This applies to this important ruling of reconciliation. Allah mentions what motivates it and points out that it is best. Every rational person seeks and desires what is best; and when, in addition to this, Allah has commanded and encouraged it, the believer’s desire and pursuit of it only increase.
He then mentions its impediment in His words, “Human souls are ever prone to selfishness.” That is, souls are naturally disposed to selfishness: a person is reluctant to give what is due from him and tenaciously clings to the rights owed to him. Since souls are naturally inclined to this, you should strive to uproot this base trait from yourselves and replace it with its opposite: graciousness, which means giving what is due from you and being content with only part of what is due to you.
When a person is granted success in acquiring this noble quality, reconciliation with an opponent or someone with whom he has dealings becomes easy, and the path to the desired outcome is made smooth. This is unlike one who does not strive to remove selfishness from himself: reconciliation and agreement are difficult for him because nothing satisfies him except receiving everything due to him, while he remains unwilling to fulfil what he himself owes. If his opponent is the same, the matter becomes even more difficult.
Then He said, “But if you do good and remain mindful of Allah.” That is, if you excel in worshipping the Creator, with the servant worshipping his Lord as though he sees Him—and although he does not see Him, He certainly sees him—and if you do good to created beings through every form of benevolence, whether by benefiting them with wealth, knowledge, influence, or anything else. “And remain mindful of Allah” by fulfilling everything commanded and refraining from everything prohibited. Alternatively, it means: do good by fulfilling what has been commanded and remain mindful of Allah by refraining from what has been prohibited. “Then Allah is fully aware of all that you do.” His knowledge and awareness encompass all of it, both its outward and inward aspects. He will preserve it for you and reward you for it with the fullest reward.