along with him. I then began going out each morning to prepare myself with them, but I would return without having accomplished anything. I would say to myself, “I am able to do it whenever I wish.” This continued until the expedition became pressing, and the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, and the Muslims with him set out, while I had completed none of my preparations.

I said, “I will prepare myself a day or two after he leaves, then catch up with them.” So, after they had departed, I went out one morning to prepare myself, but returned without accomplishing anything. Then I went out again, and returned without accomplishing anything. This continued until they had gone far ahead and the expedition had advanced beyond reach. I considered setting out and catching up with them—if only I had done so! But that was not decreed for me.

Whenever I went out among the people after the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, had departed and walked among them, it grieved me that I saw no one whose example I could follow except a man suspected of hypocrisy or one of the weak whom Allah had excused. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, did not mention me until he reached Tabuk. While sitting among the people there, he said, “What has become of Kaʿb?”

A man from Banu Salamah said, “O Messenger of Allah, his fine garments and self-admiration have kept him back.” Muʿadh ibn Jabal said, “How evil is what you have said! By Allah, O Messenger of Allah, we know nothing of him but good.” The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, remained silent.

Kaʿb ibn Malik said: “When news reached me that he had set out to return, anxiety overcame me. I began to think of lies and say, ‘How can I escape his displeasure tomorrow?’ I sought the counsel of every person of sound judgment among my family. But when it was said, ‘The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, is near at hand,’ all falsehood left me, and I knew that I could never escape it by means of any lie. So I resolved to speak the truth.

“The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, arrived in the morning. Whenever he returned from a journey, he would begin at the mosque, where he would perform two units of prayer, then sit to receive the people. When he had done so, those who had remained behind came to him, offering excuses and swearing oaths to him. They numbered more than eighty men. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, accepted their outward professions, received their pledges, sought forgiveness for them, and entrusted their inner intentions to Allah.

“I came to him, and when I greeted him, he smiled the smile of an angry man. Then he said, ‘Come forward.’ I came and walked until I sat before him. He said to me, ‘What kept you behind? Had you not bought a riding mount?’

“I said, ‘Indeed, O Messenger of Allah. By Allah, if I were sitting before anyone else among the people of this world, I would think that I could escape his displeasure with an excuse, for I have been given skill in argument. But by Allah, I know that if I tell you a lie today by which you are pleased with me, Allah will soon cause you to become angry with me; and if I tell you the truth, for which you may be angry with me, I hope for Allah’s pardon in it. No, by Allah, I had no excuse. By Allah, I had never been stronger or better off than when I stayed behind from you.’

“The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘As for this man, he has spoken the truth. Rise, and wait until Allah gives judgment concerning you.’

“I rose, and some men of Banu Salamah got up and followed me. They said to me, ‘By Allah, we have never known you to commit a sin before this one. How could you fail even to offer the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, an excuse like those offered by the others who remained behind? The Messenger of Allah’s seeking forgiveness for you would have been sufficient for your sin.’ By Allah, they continued reproaching me until I considered going back and contradicting myself.

“Then I said to them, ‘Has anyone else met the same response as I have?’ They said, ‘Yes. Two men said the same as you said, and they were told what you were told.’ I said, ‘Who are they?’ They said, ‘Murarah ibn al-Rabiʿ al-ʿAmri and Hilal ibn Umayyah al-Waqifi.’ They named to me two righteous men who had attended Badr and whose example I could follow. So I went on my way when they mentioned them to me.

“He said: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, forbade the Muslims from speaking to us three among those who had remained behind from joining him, and they shunned us.