something and find that your greeting weighs heavily upon him, then refrain from greeting him.” They used to say, “When you do someone a kindness, forget it; when someone does you a kindness, never forget it.” Concerning this, it was said:
A man who does me a kindness,
Then mentions it even once, is surely a miser.
It was also said: “Two smooth stones are the man who gives to a petitioner but reminds him of his favor, and the man who withholds his gifts out of miserliness.” Allah has forbidden His servants to remind others of their favors, while reserving this attribute for Himself: from His servants, it brings distress and reproach; from Allah, glorified and exalted is He, it is bounty and a reminder.
Moreover, He is the true Bestower, while His servants are merely intermediaries. Thus, in reality, it is He who bestows favors upon His servant. Reminding someone of a favor also subjects, crushes, and humiliates him, whereas servitude and humble submission are due to Allah alone.
Furthermore, when a giver reminds someone of his favor, he regards himself as the source of generosity and kindness, the benefactor who originates and bestows the blessing. In truth, this belongs to Allah alone. The one who reminds others of his gifts also sees himself as superior to the recipient, above him, independent of him, and powerful, while viewing the recipient as lowly, needy, and dependent upon him. Such an attitude does not befit a servant of Allah. Moreover, Allah has undertaken to reward the giver and return to him many times what he gave. The recompense for his gift therefore remains with Allah. What claim, then, does he retain against the recipient? If he reminds him of his favor, he plainly wrongs him and claims that the recipient still owes him his due.
This is why—and Allah knows best—reminding someone of a favor invalidates the charity. The giver’s exchange and dealings were with Allah, and the recompense for that charity was with Him. Yet the giver was not content with this: he looked to the recipient for recompense and regarded the transaction as being with him. By reminding him of what he had given, he invalidated his exchange and dealings with Allah. Reflect, then, upon this counsel from Allah to His servants, and how He directs them to recognize His exclusive lordship and His sole right to worship. He nullifies the deeds of anyone who vies with Him in any aspect of His lordship or His right to worship. There is no god but Him, and no Lord besides Him.
By His words, “then do not follow what they have spent with reminders of their generosity or hurt,” He draws attention to the fact that reminders and hurt harm the giver even if they come long after the charity was given, and prevent him from attaining the intended purpose of