- “If you fear a rupture between them, dispatch one arbiter from his family and one arbiter from hers. If they both truly desire reconciliation, Allah will bring harmony between them. Indeed, Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware.” ⦗35⦘ [al-Nisāʾ 35]
This verse treats a situation different from the one just mentioned—one the husband can no longer resolve on his own. Here the ill-feeling between the spouses has flared up, open contention has taken hold, and neither admonition nor gentle words have any effect.
“So appoint an arbiter from his people and an arbiter from hers”: two upright, intelligent individuals who understand when to unite and when to separate, and who grasp matters as they should be grasped; an arbiter must be endowed with these qualities.
They investigate the causes that brought the couple to this state and ask each spouse what grievances he or she harbors against the other. They then remove as much resentment as possible: encouraging the offended party to overlook slips and bear lapses, advising the other to pledge amendment, and guiding each of them toward contentment and a willingness to forgo part of his or her claim. Countless benefits have been achieved through this approach.
If they are able to compel the one who stubbornly clings to falsehood to accept what is right, they should do so. Whatever avenue leads to reconciliation, agreement, and harmony they must take—whether through waiving some rights, offering money, or any other means.
Should every avenue be blocked and the arbiters judge that separation is better because harmony is impossible, they dissolve the marriage in whatever way the circumstances require, with compensation if necessary or without it. The husband’s consent is not a condition, for Allah has called them arbiters, not agents. Those who insist they are merely agents—and therefore require the husband’s approval for a separation—hold a weak opinion.