843 – Muslim relates, on the authority of Abu Hurayrah (Allah be pleased with him), that the Prophet ﷺ said to a man who had married a woman, “Did you look at her?” He replied, “No.” The Prophet said, “Go and look at her.” (1)
Vocabulary of the ḥadith:
• tazawwaja (he married): here it means “became engaged.” The narrator speaks of the engagement in terms of the eventual marriage, which is essential in order for the command to view her to make sense.
Points gleaned from the two ḥadiths:
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It has been noted that outward beauty is one of the aims of marriage. Although the superior course is to seek piety and good character, physical attractiveness is likewise desirable, and some men may give it precedence over other traits. In such cases, beauty is legitimately sought because it helps safeguard chastity. Indeed, good looks and good manners are usually inseparable. Thus, the report that a woman is married for her beauty is not a censure of considering beauty, but a rebuke of marrying for beauty alone while neglecting other factors.
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Since beauty is a desirable quality and a man may dislike a woman’s plainness—or she may be put off by his appearance—it is recommended for him to look at her once he intends to propose and expects acceptance. She too should look at him and listen to him.
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Nayl al-Maʾārib states: “It is permissible for the one who intends to marry to look at what generally appears of a woman—such as her face, neck, hands, and feet—when he wishes to propose and is reasonably confident of acceptance. He may repeat the look, provided there is no seclusion.”