Siyar Aʿlām al-Nubalāʾ - Shams al‑Din al‑Dhahabi - (سيرة 2/115)

Siyar Aʿlām al-NubalāʾShams al‑Din al‑Dhahabi

of his own face until I thought he had broken it. The rest of the report conveys the same purport in an abridged form.

Al-Waqidi said: Yahya ibn al-Mughira ibn ʿAbd al-Rahman ibn al-Harith ibn Hisham told me, saying: I heard my father relate from Khalid ibn al-Walid, who said:

When Allah intended for me the good that He had decreed, He cast Islam into my heart and my reason returned to me. I said to myself: I have witnessed every battlefield against Muhammad—never have I withdrawn from one without feeling that I was fighting on the wrong side and that Muhammad would be given the upper hand.

When the Messenger of Allah ﷺ marched to al-Hudaybiyah, I rode out with the cavalry of the idolaters. We encountered the Messenger of Allah ﷺ and his Companions at ʿUsfan. I stationed myself opposite him and tried to provoke him. He led his Companions in the Zuhr prayer before us, and we were on the verge of attacking him, but the order did not come; in that there was wisdom. Perceiving what was in our hearts of misgivings, he led his Companions in the ʿAsr prayer—the Prayer of Fear. That affected us profoundly, and I said: The man is divinely protected. The two parties then separated; he turned away from the route our cavalry usually took and veered off to the right.

When he concluded the treaty with Quraysh I said to myself: What is left? Where can I go? To the Negus? But he has followed Muhammad, and Muhammad’s Companions are secure with him. Shall I go to Heraclius, abandon my faith for Christianity or Judaism, and live among non-Arabs as a subordinate—bearing that reproach? Or shall I stay in my own land with the few who remain?

I was pondering this when the Messenger of Allah ﷺ entered Mecca for the compensatory ʿumrah, so I kept out of sight.

My brother al-Walid ibn al-Walid accompanied the Prophet ﷺ during that ʿumrah. He looked for me but did not find me, so he wrote me a letter, which read:

To proceed: I have never seen anything more astonishing than your turning away from Islam. Where is your reason, where is your reason? Can anyone remain ignorant of a religion like Islam? The Messenger of Allah ﷺ asked me about you, saying, “Where is Khalid?” I replied:

نفسه حتى ظننت أنه قد كسره. والباقي بمعناه مختصرا. وقال الواقدي: حدثني يحيى بن المغيرة بن عبد الرحمن بن الحارث بن هشام، قال: سمعت أبي يحدث عن خالد بن الوليد، قال: لما أراد الله بي ما أراد من الخير قذف في قلبي الإسلام، وحضرني رشدي، وقلت: قد شهدت هذه المواطن كلها على محمد فليس موطن أشهده إلا أنصرف وأنا أرى في نفسي أني موضع في غير شي، وأن محمدًا يسظهر. فلما خرج رسول الله ﷺ إلى الحديبية، خرجت في خيل المشركين، فلقيت رسول الله ﷺ في أصحابه بعسفان، فأقمت بإزائه وتعرضت له، فصلى بأصحابه الظهر أمامنا، فهممنا أن نغير عليه، ثم لم يعزم لنا، وكانت فيه خيرة، فأطلع على ما أنفسنا من الهموم، فصلى بأصحابه صلاة العصر صلاة الخوف. فوقع ذلك منا موقعا، وقلت: الرجل ممنوع. فافترقا، وعدل عن سنن خيلنا، وأخذت ذات اليمين. فلما صالح قريشا قلت: أي شيء بقي؟ أين المذهب؟ إلى النجاشي؟ فقد اتبع محمدا، وأصحابه عنده آمنون. فأخرج إلى هرقل؟ فأخرج من ديني إلى النصرانية أو اليهودية فأقيم مع عجم تابعا مع عيب ذلك؟ أو أقيم في داري فيمن بقي؟ فأنا على ذلك، إذ دخل رسول الله ﷺ في عمرة القضية، فتغيبت. وكان أخي الوليد بن الوليد قد دخل مع النبي ﷺ في عمرة القضية، فطلبني فلم يجدني، فكتب إلى كتابا فإذا فيه: أما بعد؛ فإني لم أر أعجب من ذهاب رأيك عن الإسلام. وعقلك عقلك، ومثل الإسلام يجهله أحد؟ قد سألني رسول الله ﷺ عنك فقال: أين خالد؟ فقلت: