and the wife’s house. This too involves excess, because people are extravagant in it. Another means of publicizing it is what he mentions in his statement: “and the daff at it is for women.”
The daff—pronounced with either a fatḥah or a ḍammah—is recommended to be beaten, but it is for women. Two points arise here:
First: what is recommended is the daff, which is distinct from the drum and the ṭār. A daff has the skin stretched over one side only. As for the drum and the ṭār, some have said that they are the kūbah concerning which a prohibition has been reported (1): it has skin stretched over both sides. Its sound is more musical than that of an instrument having skin on only one side. This is why the jurists stipulated that the daff must not have rings or cymbals, and excluded drums, saying: They are not recommended at weddings.
Second: it is specifically for women, not men. The evidence for this is that Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, informed the Messenger of Allah ﷺ that she had escorted a woman to an Anṣārī man as a bride. He said: “Did you not have any entertainment with you? For the Anṣār like entertainment” (2). In the Sunan collections, it is reported: “Why did you not send with her someone to sing?” (3). This indicates that beating the daff is recommended, and that it may be accompanied by singing as well—but it is dignified singing.