accepting the invitation is disliked, because it is reported from the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, that he said: “A banquet on the third day is ostentation and seeking renown.” (1) If it is ostentation and seeking renown, then its host should not be encouraged. Moreover, when it extends to the third day, it becomes extravagance; thus, accepting the invitation is disliked.
However, if it is not ostentation and seeking renown—for example, if he has relatives who were unable to attend until the third day—then accepting such an invitation is not disliked. For the banquet on the second or third day is not for the wedding itself, but for the guests. Nevertheless, one who has already accepted the invitation should limit himself to the first acceptance, since repeated acceptances inevitably involve a loss of dignity—unless there is a particular reason that removes this concern, such as being a relative, friend, or neighbor.
His statement, “or if a dhimmi invites him, accepting the invitation is disliked”: a dhimmi is a Jew or a Christian—and, according to the sounder view, anyone else granted the covenant of protection—who resides in Muslim lands while paying the jizyah tax. Islam has authority over him, and he is subject to its rulings; yet he also has rights. Thus, if he invites you to a wedding banquet, the established legal school holds that accepting is disliked. They say: because what is required is to humble, disdain, and hold the disbelievers in contempt; therefore, their invitation should not be accepted. The apparent meaning of their words is that this applies even if they would accept our invitations when we invite them, because Islam is supreme and nothing is supreme over it.
This view is open to question. The correct view is that accepting their invitation is not disliked, for it is authentically established that the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, accepted